An Unexpected Lack of Vowels
by creepyLotRfangirl55
Summary: Just the crazy product of airport boredom. AU, as there are survivors from the BoFA. Series of oneshots. K plus because I'm paranoid. No slash.
1. Chapter 1 - A

**A/N: ****Hey everyone! These (very) short little stories are the product of me being bored on airplanes and in airports. It's AU, I guess, as Thorin, Fíli, and Kíli survive the BoFA. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**The Hobbit**_**.**

_Chapter 1 – A_

Once, in the world neighbouring our own, King Thorin decided to hunt deer in the forest. He took with him his bow, his quiver, with some food. He prowled through the woods for hours, until he found the perfect deer. He'd just pointed his bow when his nephews, Fíli and Kíli, stomped very loudly up to him, frightening off the buck. Being one to get furious quickly, Thorin growled to his nephews, then shot them by their clothes, sticking them to trees. He left them in the forest for punishment, he himself trudging home to Erebor, whistling.


	2. Chapter 2 - E

**A/N: ****Here's a chapter lacking the letter E. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit or anything recognizable in this story.**

Long ago, in Arda, a hobbit known as Bilbo Baggins was walking to visit his companions, King Thorin and Co. As Bilbo was walking along, a raving, rabbid animal was following him. It was Gollum, who still did wish to kill Bilbo for taking his Ring. In fright, Bilbo ran for many hours, until Bilbo couldn't run and did faint. Gollum found him, took his Ring, and ran off, laughing madly. Bilbo was sad his Ring was lost, but did walk to Thorin's kingdom, sound in body. And that, my companions, is why you shouldn't grab shiny Rings that Sauron did craft.

**Remember to review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3 - I

**A/N: ****Now presenting Chapter Three, which lacks the letter I. Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit or anything recognizable in this story.**

There was once a Dwarf named Bofur, who dwelt at Erebor. He was a toymaker by trade, and enjoyed the laughter of youngsters. One day, Bofur's brother Bombur, who loved food, came over and made a feast of sweets and cakes for the young people of Erebor. They all enjoyed that, and were extremely happy when Bofur made them all toys that made them laugh. The two brothers were pleased at the cheerful day they had.

**A/N:**** I know, it's a bit shorter than the others, but it was actually the first one I wrote. I just put the stories in order for posting. 'Til next time!**


	4. Chapter 4 - O

**A/N: ****Hey readers! Today's story is a little sad, but keep in mind it was the silly product of airport boredom. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit or anything recognizable from this story (if I did, I would be the happiest person ever).**

In Middle Earth, Kíli and Fíli decided that their uncle needed a girlfriend. They made pamphlets and did tell all the single girls they met regarding their plan. A Dwarvish lass named Sísda caught the king's eye, and they started dating. Kíli and Fíli liked this pick, and were happy when Sísda became Queen. Sadly, she caught a fever and died, with the king passing as well, caused by his grief. The nephews were sad, but finally cheered up by playing pranks with Dwalin and Bifur.

**A/N: ****Sísda is an OC, as you can probably tell. Her name may show up again in another story, possibly. Remember to review! **


	5. Chapter 5 - U

**A/N: ****It's a miracle! I've actually managed to update something! Sorry everyone, I've been reading fanfiction a lot more than I've been writing. Here is a chapter lacking the letter U. Enjoy!**

**Warning: involves possibly OOC Ori (I don't know).**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit. Anything recognizable belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien and Peter Jackson.**

_Chapter 5 – U_

Long ago, in Middle Earth, Ori the Dwarf was sorting books at Erebor's vast library. One tome grabbed his attention, called _How to Prank a Prankster. _Ori decided he had to get revenge on Fíli and Kíli with this book, for all the times they had pranked him. Over the next few weeks, a very large prank war went on, involving several other Dwarves from the company besides Ori, Fíli, and Kíli. Finally, on a visit, Gandalf stopped the shenanigans when Nori accidently broke his staff with Orcrist. Thorin, Balin, and Dori were very happy that the pranks were over…for now.

**A/N: ****There will be one last chapter after this. It will be, in fact, the only one that wasn't written on my trip. 'Til next time! **


	6. Chapter 6 - And Sometimes Letter Y

**A/N: ****Here it is, folks: the very last chapter of this story. It should be a bit longer than the others and lacks the letter Y. Enjoy, my readers! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit. Anything recognizable belongs Peter Jackson and J.R.R. Tolkien.**

_Chapter Six – And Sometimes Letter Y_

One evening, in a lonesome corner of Toronto International Airport, a teenage girl was sitting in a chair at her departure gate, a notebook and pencil in hand. An immense look of concentration was upon her face, thinking of a final tale to write for her fanfiction. Said girl had been, with her parents and sister, waiting at said gate for a few hours, as their plane was still to arrive. To contain her boredom, she was writing random stories for her new favourite movie, _The Hobbit, _which she would later post online when granted access to a computer. So far, the teen, who we'll call Jill, had been undertaking the challenge of attempting to write little anecdotes missing certain vowels. Jill had gone through A, E, I, O, and U; she just wanted to make a pleasing conclusion lacking the letter before Z.

So there Jill sat, in the airport, willing a decent plot to appear in her tired brain. That is about when she realized she was the airport had disappeared.

At present, Jill sat sitting on a plush armchair in a room of stone, lit with torches, furnished with bookshelves, more chairs, tables, and a huge wooden desk. Said desk was adorned with, to her great and utter surprise… a laptop. It looked so out of place in the stone office, which had a medieval feel to it. Jill was staring at the electronic device when a door she had not noticed burst open, a familiar pair striding into the room.

Fíli and Kíli, nephews of Thorin Oakenshield, sat down in chairs beside her.

The two Dwarves introduced themselves and Jill likewise (well, as best she could without screaming like a possessed fangirl at the sight of her favourite dwarves). Kíli explained to her that she had been summoned to the Fanfiction Wing of the Fandom Monitoring Centre of Middle Earth for them to give her ideas for the conclusion of her series of oneshots. It went on like that for ten minutes, the three throwing ideas back and forth, when the door opened once again and Óin, Glóin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, and Ori came tramping in, all adamant on adding their opinions. Bilbo, Gandalf, and Thorin (again, Jill had to stop herself from having a fangirl breakdown) also showed up a little while later. Pretty soon, the teen writer was positive that all the characters from _The Hobbit _and _The Lord of the Rings_ were present.

Thorin and Aragorn were arguing who was the better king, Meriadoc, Peregrin, Fíli, and Kíli appeared to be having a pranking contest, the Balrog of Morgoth and Azog were arm-wrestling while Lurtz cheered them on, and Treebeard was crushing Gundabad Wargs with his huge feet while reciting ballads. In other words, it was the ultimate LOTRxHobbit crossover (in Jill's opinion, anyway).

It was about then that she realized the hand holding her pencil was moving. The teenager looked down at her notebook to see she had written all the events happening around her in the book, creating the perfect conclusion for her tale.

Jill then stood up, shouted to get everyone's attention, and thanked the many characters in the room for their unintentional inspiration. With that, she imagined herself back at the departure gate, and _poof!_ she was nothing more than a pile of ash.

I'm joking; she was safe and sound at the airport.

To her great regret, however, time had not passed a single second since Jill's unexpected trip. She still had two more hours 'til boarding. The author sighed, and pondered what to write next.

**A/N: ****Sorry to everyone for not updating sooner. My USB stick, where I store everything, broke and I barely was able to save my work (there still were quite a few pictures that were lost [sigh]). From now on, I'll save my work elsewhere as well.**

**If the inspiration arises, I just might be convinced to write a LOTR version of this. Who knows? **

**A big thank-you goes out to all those who reviewed, favourited, and/or followed this story. **

**Also, to anyone following my 10****th****-and-11****th**** walker fic, **_**Always With You: The Fellowship of the Ring**_**: I am experiencing slight writer's block, but should be able to update within two weeks, hopefully. **

**Bye for now, people!**

**P.S: If anyone notices any letters where they shouldn't be, don't hesitate to notify me so I can change it. **


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